All consuming

I am not one to have a lot of “unfinished business” in my personal life. You know, friends that have fallen by the way side, apologies that have never been spoken, grudges that one holds too long. However, I do hold one item of this type in my life. I had pushed it down into that dark place, that place where if you just don’t think about it too often you don’t have to deal with it, and it may just go away. It was fine there in that place, because I didn’t really have an answer for it. And if I didn’t have clarity, then why bother. But it has surfaced again and now it is time to deal with it.

On the road to figuring out how to deal with this situation, I am most surprised by the utter physical discomfort I feel when I think about it. Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. It makes my hands start to sweat. It makes my mind start to race for answers to unknown questions that I might face. It is amazing…the self imposed stress that manifests itself physically. It is crazy. It is so clear to me right now why people choose not to deal with things. It is painful and just plain easier not to.

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