Thanks for telling me I’m being a bitch!

February 4th, 2019

I’m a pretty happy go lucky, bright side of life, kinda gal. As of late, I have found myself dropping out of that space and dipping into a level of discontent.

I’ve felt it deep inside. I thought I kept it hidden and managed pretty well to the outer world. You know, the deep breathing and the meditation apps trying to quell the beast.

It’s not that I’m not happy with my life, I am, it’s just added stress and strain of job, life, kids…you know, all the shit. And it seems to have piled on a bit as of late.

Last week at work, I made a comment that veered dark, snarky and the farthest thing from positive. My co-worker immediately responded with a chuckle and a, “Whoaaa Mary…what’s up, that is not your typical kinda response.” I looked at him with hard eyes and he started to back peddle, saying, “I mean, you don’t have to be happy all the time, I’ve just noticed a change.”

With those words I knew I needed to right the ship. I don’t have to be happy all the time but I am happier when I look up more than down. I’m going to thank that guy, he didn’t have to say what he said and he has no idea it changed my course. But I am so glad he did. He opened my eyes to what was falling out of my mouth trying to make myself feel somehow better. Ugly words seep into all those around you, they don’t need that and neither do I.

Happiness can be a choice. I’m choosing that.

Perfectly Said

February 3rd, 2019

It’s 2019.

I have found myself in a situation I never imagined in my wildest dreams.

I have a nephew.

This nephew now lives with us.

Raising children is no small task. Raising someone else’s kid…well, that’s a trick. We, let’s be honest it’s Adam too, have found that on some levels it is easier to raise someone else’s child, in the same breath, it is also harder. Especially when they come to you at 16. You don’t know how they are wired, what trips them up and off, how they learn, what they love or hate. They also don’t know your family dynamics, how you parent, how to deal and live with siblings and what the family rules and expectations are (written and unwritten).

Big D has been here for nine months. He is a lovely kid. As with all kids, he has his “things”. For the first time since he got here, we got “into it”. I showed disappointment and frustration over some of his choices. It was much more of a motherly reaction then a calm, mild, auntie reaction. Let’s just say, my response had a higher degree of upset associated with it.

The tension still lingered in the air as he opened the door to get out of the car and head into his appointment. I looked at him, gave him a hug and said, “Hey, I love you.” He looked at me and said, ” I love you too…sometimes.”

As he hopped out of the car, I rolled the window down and yelled, “DITTO!”