Wow, it’s Thursday again…

And today is the day I get to repay my sister-in-law for watching my kids last week. It has taken me a whole week to recover.

Last Thursday I broke the heaven to hell speed record in 2.2 seconds. You see, I didn’t get the whole closet cleaned by the time I had to pick-up my kids. What I did have done was have EVERYTHING out of the closet and in piles. I was going through and organizing those piles when the timer went off and my free time was over.

Have you ever seen three kids walk through the door and into a room filled with organized piles of paints, markers, glues, colored pencils, paper, stencils, cut-outs, stamps and stamp pads, molding clay, stickers and leave them alone? They were like mad bees buzzing around a disturbed hive. I couldn’t swat them away fast enough before destroying my hours of work that I had put in.

And today, with five kids under the age of 6, I have no plans to do anything but survive.

Day off

Today my sister-in-law and I start our “summer swap” program. She gets all five kids today and next Thursday I get to take my tour of duty.

So today, what will I do with my time? My very own free time. Time, uninterrupted time. No crying or screaming or questioning or hitting or needing or diaper changing or feeding.

I will clean the front hall closet…oh sweet nirvana.

Slighty righty

My sister-in-law gave me this wonderful dress for my birthday. In January she and her husband took a cruise and one of the ports of call was St. Kitts. There is where she found my birthday present, the most perfect little cream halter dress adorned with olive green flowers.

So on Father’s Day, when it was sunny and hot and we were having a BBQ with all the Fathers, I threw it on. The only problem is you can’t wear a bra with it, which REALLY extenuates the fact that my boobs are two completely different sizes.

I didn’t think it was that noticeable until I started talking to my mother about it. It’s not that she thought it looked so bad, but she thought she could fix it. So there we stood in the bathroom, me in front of the mirror watching my mother stuff toilet paper into the right side of my chest, saying “all you need it a little filler.”

Yeah…it didn’t help.

It’s always good to have goals

Yesterday I participated in the Lake Minnetonka Sprint Triathlon. I completed my first one there last year and fell in love with the sport.

I decided to reach a little higher this year and was gaming for a third place finish in my age group. I am happy to announce…I did it! I also ended up 19th in the woman’s division and 101 overall.

However, the one thing that sticks in my craw…the woman who took second just had a C-section four weeks prior.

She and the woman who took first place are GOING DOWN next year.

Abhorrent-uncouth-repugnant

Picture yourself in the dark at 5:25 am needing to use the port-a-potty before your run.

Go in.

Sit down.

Do your business.

Then, as a thank you of sorts, you somehow receive a back lash of splash right back at you.

I know…so nasty.

Just a tip, if it happens to you, the hand sanitizer can be used for more than just hands.

Thirty-six

Yes, today is Flag Day and my birthday, my special day.

The day in which my mother at 8:05am pushed me out into the cruel hard world, put a pink ribbon in her hair and waited four hours for my brother and dad to show-up.

You see, they went to breakfast. My dad figured it took so long to get my cone headed brother out of the birth canal that it would take equally as long for me.

Nope. I shot straight out, fast as lightning ready to raise my flag and haven’t looked back since.

Cheers, to 36!

How stupid am I?

Do you ever have those moments in time where you wonder…why am I so stupid? Well, maybe you’re just smarter than I am if you don’t know what I’m talking about, but I had one of those events yesterday.

In my quest for conquering bike mechanics, I have decided to try to make minor adjustments to my bike myself before bringing it in. Maybe it’s my pride, maybe I only like talking to the internet about my vagina, or maybe I just want to feel like I can make a few adjustments here and there and it shouldn’t be a big deal.

So I adjusted my aero bars in hopes of reducing some strain on my left shoulder. Done. Then I adjusted my seat and tipped it forward slightly so as not to have too much pressure on “my sweet”. Done. Then I took off.

Once I started on my hour and fifteen minute interval training ride I quickly realized that I should have adjusted both sides of my aero bars instead of just the left, because you see that creates a great unbalance in the force and you simply want to ride in circles. Oh so smart move number one.

Then I noticed my heart rate monitor wasn’t working (according to it I was almost dead), then I realized my bike computer wasn’t working, according to the read out I could run faster than I could bike. Clearly not my fault, at least I don’t think so.

Once I had hit the halfway mark I stood up off my seat to loosen my legs up. When I went to sit back down my seat was waaaaaaay back and kiddywampus to the side. You see, when I adjusted my seat myself I simply loosened the back and forgot to tighten down the front. Oh so smart move number two.

After my last push I slowed way down to turn around. I unclipped my right foot, turned my bike left and completely dumped myself right on my ass. Oh so smart move number three.

And a perfectly fitting way to end a horrific ride.

Sister Spears

I am not sure where PJ is hearing Brittney Spear’s songs, but all day today I have been hearing her very own rendition of Lucky Lyrics. And it goes a little something like this…

Brit would be so pround!

Purrrr like a kitten

The tri bike that I bought a few months back is fabulous and wonderful and is going to make me soooo fast. The only draw back is, it does not yet fit like a glove and I want it to.

First my knees and hips ached after long rides, so I brought it in and Drew “the bike guy” kindly listened to my delimea and adjusted the seat height.

Then my left knee started giving me trouble, I brought it in and Drew worked hard at finding the potential problem and then he adjusted the angle at which my foot clips into my pedal.

Now I have another biking related issue…MY VAGINA HURTS! Yes, my sweet vagina. It hurts to the point of making me want to scream OH MY GOD MY VAGINA HURTS out loud to the whole world or anyone who will listen. This vagina pain might even rival hemorrhoidal pain. The kind that you can’t shake no matter what you do and you certainly can’t get it off your mind, all while on a 25 mile ride is no good at all.

So, here I sit (gingerly mind you) trying to envision the conversation at the bike shop when I bring my bike back into Drew to tweak.

Me: Hey Drew, how’s it going? Thanks for taking another look at my bike.

Drew: So, what’s the deal?

Me: MY VAGINA HURTS…YOU MUST FIX IT! DO YOU HEAR ME MAN, FIX IT, FIX IT, FIIIIIIIIXXXXXXX IIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

First conversation of the day

7:03 am

CT: Mom, did you go for a run already?

Me: Nope, I went for a bike ride.

CT: Hmmm, (sticking his nose into the air) you don’t stink that bad today.