Oh no, not the Medium. I need the XS hair-shirt for a good snug fit

July 29th, 2005

I did it to myself. I allowed it to happen. I let both of my kids have a sleep over this week at Nana’s.

I have been saying “NO” to this request for a good long time. Because you see, it just isn’t in my best interest. No one is on their A game, when there is a sleep over the night before. No one is even on their C game. But now, CT is old enough to have conversations with his cousin Eleanor and through these conversations come realizations that they are getting the short end of the stick.

So, I gave in to the request. And now, I am being punished!

Here is only a small glimpse into what my day has been like. Believe me, there is more material to be had, but I will dole it out sparingly.

After separating CT & PJ several times this morning for throwing blocks at each other, we all piled into the car to go to the grocery store, and as usual, I told them what my expectations of them were.

We put KP in the cart and the two older kids decided to walk.

Once on our way to the meat counter, PJ starts complaining of being cold (there were several attempts made to help her put on a light sweater, but she would have nothing to do with it). I told her that her choice to go without a sweater is what is causing her to be uncomfortable and that next time she might choose to listen.

She keeps walking and whining and then her gold sparkle-tap-tap shoes start becoming uncomfortable. Her cries of discomfort are quickly becoming louder and louder. She then starts yelling at her shoes. She starts stopping her feet. And the, she starts to run.

I call after her to stop. CT starts running after her, trying to grab her. She is still yelling. We are all now running through the grocery store, aisle after aisle trying to get her. Clyde grabs her leg, but only gets a shoe, which pisses her off even more.

I am going completely numb with rage. People are watching on the sidelines as my kids are screaming at the top of there lungs, running, pulling at each other. Finally he gets her, and brings her down. Both gold shoes laying in a wake behind us, along with all the other store patrons watching on to see if I will beat her senseless.

I didn’t, but I sure as hell wanted to!

While we’re down there

July 28th, 2005

I have an underwear crisis so to speak. What is that you ask? Well you see, my underwear is in such a state of disrepair that when one said person, like myself perhaps, is getting dressed in the ladies locker room at the gym, I would rather crumple my undies up into a little ball and throw them away then don them.

I tried to buy some last week. Once we were in the store, three kids in tow, two melt downs and several trips to the potty later, I just left…empty handed.

I even tried buying some the week before. I went to the store, they weren’t on sale (oh how my cheapness really fucks things up sometimes) and so I thought I would be back in the store next week (which I was) and that it would be no problem. Wrong.

About two weeks prior to all these unsuccessful trips to the store, I realized how bad they actually were. And now, a month later, they are almost not worth wearing.

So today, when the sitter comes, off I will go to buy new undies. What will I buy you ask? Or maybe not…but I will tell you anyway because it is where I am in my underwear lifecycle. I am at the Jockey, white, bikini stage.

Since putting some thought into this, I realized my life can be broken down by what underwear I have worn.

Here is the timeline:

Little kid: Hanes girl’s underwear, cotton, pink or blue flowers

High School: Jockey, white (maybe stripes sometimes), g-string bikini

College: Hung onto the Jockeys for workouts, then slipped into Victoria Secrete satin or silk bikini (always with flowers or prints) but they never really fit right. Wait, there was also a small segment of my college years where I wore no underwear at all and NO that is not the time in my life when I met Erik.

Early 20’s: Calvin Klein thong, black or white, cotton

Late 20’s: OnGossamer thong (the most expensive/smallest piece of fabric I have ever purchased in my life) any color will due, you can hardly see it anyway

Early 30’s to present day: I still have a few remnants of thongs laying around, which I love to wear depending on the outfit and ONLY if I don’t have hemorrhoids (oh, there is nothing worse than hemorrhoids and thongs!) and on a day-to-day basis I have almost come full circle back to my good old high school days with white Jockeys.

Maybe I’ll even branch out and get poke-a-dots this time.

The highs and lows

July 27th, 2005

As I am talking with my friend Jen out on the deck, KP on my hip, hose in the other hand watering the plants, I look down, and to my surprise… I see pubic hairs sticking out of the top of my pants.

OH MY GOD! What gives with this? Is my pubic hair not coiffed enough and crawling up too high? Are my pants too low? Is it me? Is it today’s fashion styles? Am I wearing clothing meant for people with small patches?

These are difficult questions on many levels and only bring up even more questions. Was it the weight of the child that caused this predicament? Or, do I flash pubs all the time and not even know it? Are my friends not really my friends at all because they won’t tell me?

Would you tell your friend?

Bye bye Peter

July 25th, 2005

The other day I was at the potty with PJ. She was lingering after I had wiped her, standing up talking at the potty, flushing it and then watching as all the contents emptied out.

I asked if she was talking to Peter. She looked at me and responded, “yes, and I told him he couldn’t wipe my bottom anymore and I flushed him down the toilet.”

My hero couple of the month

July 24th, 2005

The Bickerson’s rock!

Not only do they run marathons (a few a year) and now train for a triathlon, they are in Iowa this week participating in the Ragbri.

Good luck you guys.

Time to shut the door

July 21st, 2005

As I raced to get my swim suit on this morning before heading out the door to the pool, the kids standing in the door way of my closet watching, CT says, “Mom, I see your hairy vagina.”

In a millisecond, 10,000 things raced through my mind. How can I respond to this statement? What string of words would create the biggest bang for my buck as far as learning about growing-up, bodily changes, adults, kids, males, females?

And what great words of wisdom did I impart to my eldest son?


Good Chart Day 1

July 20th, 2005

After receiving two stickers each yesterday and starting this morning out with team work, nice words and good listening, it all came to an abrupt halt at 9:32 am.

PJ bit CT.

If reinforcing positive behavior is eliciting biting. What would happen if I just beat them? Hmmm, interesting.

Good vs. Evil

July 19th, 2005

We have been having some rocky times in our household as of late. There has been A LOT of screaming, whining, fighting and crying. Which I have NO tolerance for, especially the screaming, whining and fighting part. And, PJ has slid back into hitting too, which puts my undies in a bunch even more.

Last week when all of these behavioral issues where asserting themselves, I found myself yelling to get there attention. In fact, at one point I yelled so hard and so loudly that my throat hurt afterward. Now, believe me, I know that this tactic is not the most preferable, but when you’re down-and-out you fall back on anything you can get your hand on quickly. And, since they were yelling, I was yelling even louder.

Since several days of yelling didn’t seem to amount to a behavior change and then taking away all their worldly possessions didn’t do anything, and taking away their one-½ hour television show a day still left me dry, and then putting them on naughty steps and having time outs in their rooms didn’t shake it loose, I have decided to tip the scales. We are starting a PJ & CT GOOD CHART. Even though we may have to scratch and claw to find it, there is good behavior in there somewhere.

This chart is all about the positive things they do. These actions will be listed when they happen, the child can then apply a sticker to the listed good behavior and at the dinner table every night we will share with dad the good things they did that day instead of the bad. I’ll give less credence to the poor behavior and MUCH more to the good behavior.

I have no fucking idea if this cockamamie chart idea will work, if these kids will bite off on it and turnaround, but it has got to be better then screaming like banshees.

I’ll keep you posted.

No photoshop, I swear

July 18th, 2005


Just a nice day


at arms length.

15 Months

July 15th, 2005

Oh little big boy.
You are so luscious at 15 months.
You are chubby.
You have great curls and big hazel eyes.
You give everyone disapproving looks if they look at you.
You stick you lower lip waaaay out right before you start to cry.
You say maaaamaaa and dada and other babble, babble, babble.
You have eight teeth.
You are getting your one year molars.
You just started crawling on your knees.
You revert back to the KP stroke swim (right arm and left big toe) when you really want to get somewhere fast.
You throw food off your tray when you are done eating, and laugh when I say NO.
You love finding my toothbrush and chewing on it.
You love chasing the cats.
You love your big brother and sister.
You love going up, up and up the stairs again and again and again.
You love grabbing your penis when I change your diaper.
You enjoy walking around objects and will sometimes let go, but only briefly.
You take one nap in the afternoon.
You could take two, if your mean mom would let you.
You don’t like vegetables.
You love fruit and protein.
You prefer to stay-up verses going to bed.

You are my little joy, my littlest boy.
I love you, I love you, I love you.