How many adults does it take to swab PJ’s throat?

Today we took a trip into the doctor’s office for a “quick strep test”. CT and PJ both have had fevers with sore throats and upon closer inspection this morning, white spots on the tonsils.

PJ wanted nothing to do with this and started to panic while still in the comfort of her own home. After trying to reason with her, without any success, I just picked her up and plopped her in the car seat and off we went.

She made it very clear that she was not going to get swabbed. Even with her big brother telling her it only tickles and the bribes of donuts and movies, she wasn’t budging.

So the next three minutes of my life looked like this…

CT sat nicely and got his throat swabbed. I kept trying to calm PJ as the hysteria started to set in. The nurse asked her if she wanted to sit on my lap or the table. Unable to hear any response through the high pitched sobs, the nurse mouthed to me “put her on the table and hold her arms down”. PJ starts screaming “I hate this place” and “I hate all of you”, the nurse calmly says, “just open your mouth”. PJ yells “NEEEEVVVVVVEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!” One set of swabs goes in, PJ clamps down and keeps them in her mouth too long for them to be any good. So the nurse has her pull them out since her jaw is locked in place and she is unable to do it.

The nurse then makes a second attempt and only gets the tips of the swabs in before she clamps down. This time she bit down so hard she broke them. The nurse just smiled and said, I’m going to get the doctor so she can help.

Our doctor walks in, says hello to the kids and arms herself with two tongue depressors. I am now asked to pin her arms and legs down to the table as the nurse with the swabs is steadying PJ’s head and readying herself to insert the swabs. PJ bites down on the tongue depressors so quickly that the swabs couldn’t even make it in. Her doctor says, “PJ, please open your mouth I’m just going to take them out.” Trusting her as she does PJ let go just enough for her to turn them vertically. Once PJ knew she has been swindled she clamped down again, only this time there was an inch wide opening and in went the swabs.

The doctor turned to me and said, “I don’t like doing that, I’m going to have nightmares about this one.”

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