The slightest breeze

My friend Jen tells me that I compartmentalize things.

I tell her I know, but that’s how I make it work.

She then tells me it’s ok to “feel” whatever it is I’m feeling and that I can be sad and sit in my sadness if I need to.

I don’t like to sit there often or for a very long time and I usually don’t go there all by myself.

Yes, I do compartmentalize, but sometimes those compartments open and it all spills out.

Which happened today.

Maybe it was the news of the passing of my old bosses husband or the sound of my dad’s tired voice on the other end of the phone or the In Memory of Jim band around a tree I saw when I was taking pictures at the lake or maybe it was the wonderful article my friend Ellen sent that her father wrote about one of his cancer patients or possibly is was the sweet card I got from my friend Megan, telling me she was thinking of me.

Maybe it was all of it washing over me, all in one day, all too much to take.

So I sobbed.

Wishing I could take the pain away for my dad or my mom for that matter.  Wishing I could change the future.  Wishing we could walk down a different path.   Wishing I had control, some kind of control over this, just one ounce of control…but I don’t.

So I sobbed even harder.

Then I gathered up all the emotions that spilled out, put them in their box and shelved them for later.

Filed under cancer, Dad | Comments (4)