What the hell has happened?

It’s December. I pulled up this site and to what do my wondering eyes should appear…NOTHING. The whole page was blank. Then I realized it wasn’t because something was wrong, it was because no one had written anything since Thanksgiving.

So, what’s new you ask?

Hmmm, it has been so long let me see. Thanksgiving was great, small but peaceful and lovely. The Christmas tree has been bought and all the decorations are out and the excitement is mounting. CT’s front tooth is dangerously close to falling out; in fact it is so loose that I almost want to throw up every time I look at it. Adam keeps trying to persuade him to pull it but even dangling a pack of Pokemon cards won’t pull him out of the fear of pain that might be caused when that tooth is yanked out. I decided to try to find a part time job for a little extra cash. This is always fun, I love interviewing. I mean really…who wouldn’t like me? Ok, don’t answer that. So I ended up with two part time jobs: one teaching swimming lessons and the other in a Hospital helping gather data on an adolescent depression study. I spent three days last week in a pool getting recertified so I won’t drown small children. I ran two consecutive times with no knee pain, which I guess I never wrote about, but since the marathon I have not been able to run over three miles. I dreamt I had a broken clavicle and in the dream the doctor was resetting it while I was a wake. I don’t ever want to have that happen. We have gone to one birthday party, one Christmas concert and two Christmas parties. Almost all the Holiday cards are addressed. I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping. Trying to decide if we should have the kids put their shoes out for St. Nick tomorrow. I have nothing to put in them. Did you do that as a kid? Last night PJ was up all night throwing up, which in turn means I was up all night cleaning up barf and consoling my sick little girl. I cleaned the grout in my shower today and feel oh so freed by it. Right this very minute everyone is sleeping and I am sitting on the couch in the sun.

There you have it.

Hug a little tighter today

I decided to go grocery shopping at 5:00 am this morning to beat the Thanksgiving last minute rush. I weighed the pros and cons and it seems that loosing sleep beat out over taking three restless kids to THE VERY BUSY day before Thanksgiving grocery store.

As I finished my shopping and packed my bags it was still dark. I hopped into the car to head home.

As I was turning onto the off ramp from the highway I could see flashing lights. As I got closer I could see the ambulance and the four squad cars. As I got closer still I saw the motor cycle laid down on the pavement, broken glass shattered on the road and a person completely lifeless on a gurney covered from head to toe with a blanket. The paramedics and policeman were not rushing around with any urgency.

And as I drove away all I could think of was the empty space he will be leaving at his family’s dinner table and the pain they will have to endure this Thanksgiving.

Dream analysis please

Last night I dreamt that my children cut off all my hair in the middle of the night while I slept. They left the cut off ponytail, bound by a binder, in bed with me so when I woke up it was laying on my pillow beside me.

$10 sale at Threadless

If I had an extra ten bucks to spare I would buy my haiku loving husband this t-shirt and then I would have to buy CT this shirt and then PJ would really like this one (but PLEASE don’t tell her what is really going on in the picture) and then you can’t leave out KP, so here is his shirt.

And if I were to buy one for myself…it would be this one.

EPT

I took a pregnancy test today. I know, I know…crazy. Crazy on so many levels that I would like to spell them out for you (1) not trying to get pregnant (2) I have implanted in my uterus an IUD with a 99.9% effectiveness rate (3) I’m pretty sure baby number four would put us in the poor house as well as put me into a very tight straight jacket.

You see, I took it not because I really thought I was pregnant but because I wanted to rule it out. I’ve been having headaches for the past few weeks and just started to realize that they aren’t really going away. A normal person would first think of colds, allergies or maybe even stress to be the cause of these headaches. Me, no, I like to think BIG. Big like pregnant hormones pulsing through my veins.

This BIG thinking of mine brought me all the way to the store to purchase the test. As I peed on the stick in the Lifetime Fitness locker room and watched the urine seep into the window that will await my fait, I found myself feeling slightly excited. And once the time was up and there was only one pink line, instead of two, I felt the tiniest twinge of disappointment.

Can’t you just die already?

I find it so funny. The feelings I have in spring and fall and how equally strong but opposite they are, one for death and one for life.

The past few days I have done nothing but walk past my planters, which I have tended to religiously for the past five months and hoped for nothing but the first frost. I am done with them and want them dead.

Of course I can’t find it in myself to just pull them out and end it early, stopping the madness before their “quality of life” becomes trash. I must make them suffer to the bitter freezing end.

If my parents were smart they would read this and immediately call my brother and ask him to make all their future health care decisions.

The “thing” I shouldn’t be doing

Seeing this cute little hat started it…It started me knitting again. I saw a hat identical to it last year in the yarn isle of some random shop I was in and almost picked up the knitting needles, but then thought better of it. Then I saw it again, on mightygoods.com and thought “well hell, I LOVE that hat, I can make that”.

Since I need to buy a baby gift for my neighbor, who is due in January (which is plenty of time to get this little project done) I thought to myself what better a gift to give than a beautiful hand made baby hat. Wouldn’t you want that for your new little bundle of joy? I decided to take the plunge. I bought the needles and the oh so cute-soft-snuggly yarn and got to work.

I just wish I could purchase the patience to finish the fucking thing because I now have started it and ripped it apart and started it again, FOUR times.

The best and worst kid’s things in the mail this week

I get an awful lot of magazines that are geared towards things parents should buy for their babies, toddlers and school aged children. This past week I have seen an increase in the amount of stuff people want me to buy for my kids because of the impending Holiday Season.

Here is the worst and most ridiculous thing I have ever seen.

Here are the best. And according to the magazine “they offer children a pragmatic and lasting foundation for how to be a happy human being.” Personally, I just like the illustrations.

Killing me softly

Back in the day, when I was the only person I had to physically care for, it was easy to be on time. I didn’t like being late. I liked being 5 minuets early. You know, it gave me time to process. Today is a far different story.

Now, being late produces great amounts of anxiety in me. As this anxiety starts building and riddles its way from finger tip to arm and from arm to trunk and from trunk to neck and neck to head and then all of a sudden loud barking noises start spewing out of my mouth. Along with the unintelligible noises come copious amounts of saliva that spatter the walls and windows as I am ordering my little army to BRUSH YOUR TEETH, GET YOUR SHOES ON, GO GO GO WE ARE GOING TO BE LAAAAATE!!!!!!

At the height of being late this morning, with CT almost 35 seconds from missing the bus, PJ unable to get her apples into her snack bag without falling into a billion pieces and KP still running around naked playing with a 5 foot long sausage link of dirty diapers from the diaper genie, I took a second and wondered…could choosing to stay at home with your kids actually kill you prematurely?

Find your inner secret

If you have a secret, a regret, a hope, a funny experience, an unseen kindness, a fantasy, a belief, a fear, a betrayal, an erotic desire, a feeling, a confession, or a childhood humiliation and you want to release yourself from it. Reveal it here.